Upon wandering, I began to wonder...

Will I find my happy medium? Where is the tower? When is the strike? Does he know how much I miss him?

I just read the most beautiful thing...

And I think you should too - Inanna keeps a very thoughtful blog but this post is the best I've ever read. That is all.

She Was Coming Of Age

I am forcing myself to keep this short, as my rage and outright HATE is about to spill over and onto my lovely keyboard.

Religious fundamentalists are disgusting excuses for humans. They are evil fucking beasts who wouldn't know God if he had his thumb firmly planted on the soft spots of their mushy fucking heads. ANIMALS. I shall go so far as to point you in the direction of proof of such facts. HERE YOU GO. I would just add this guys blog to your faves list.

"Flowers mowed down
Innocence targeted
Whose God is this?
Wished that she had one more day" ~ Seaside by Tori Amos

To Sail You Home

I'm tired. Body and soul tired. I'm beginning to think there's not much left of me, but then where did I go? Tis a question for the ages I suppose.

I'm also beginning to think that no one cares. I'm rather certain the people I consider important in my life merely keep me around for their own validation. I'm the one they brag to. I'm the one they complain to. I'm the one who listens. But they don't listen to me. It is what it is I guess.

My neck is sore from looking back over my shoulder. But I'm too tired to suck it up and just get on with it. I think it's done on purpose. Keep me worn out so I can't run away. Yeehaaa

And I'm so sad...

It's Just A Spring Clean For The May Queen

It wasn't until I had a sit down and a wander around the... how shall I put this? Spiritually Friendly blogs (yes, that will do) that I visit semi-regularly, that I noticed Beltane had passed me by.

I am by no means a dogmatic person. To me, either you live a spiritually good life, or you don't. No amount of ceremony is going to connect you to anything if you cannot find the beauty, the simplicity, the god/dess in every day life. And celebrate it. Faith is an extremely elusive and fickle thing to have in your life on a daily basis. But I manage. Usually. Today I did not.

I feel as if I'm operating upside down. The passage of time, it has no meaning to me. It flows by, and I stand still. But yet I'm falling behind. I am an anomaly.

More and more I find myself denying, or excusing my beliefs to myself. I feel guilty. I try and appease the male god I think is angry at me by meshing my previous catholic beliefs with my less ingrained (less damaging to my psyche) beliefs. I can't begin to explain what it is I believe now, so don't ask. But it's much better than what was shoved down my throat for so long.

But good little trainee that I was, I still beat myself up about what I now believe. I don't keep a calender of celebration dates. If I did I wouldn't have missed Beltane. As I said before, I am not a dogmatic person, but it would have been nice to know, to do something, anything.

Today should have been special.